Nicholas Cage   
Face Off:  me and Nick 

• last name changed in recent family history from 7 letter name to 4 letter name (Coppola/Cage, Nielsen/Naze)
• pretended to be Superman (however, Nick will be now be paid enormous sums to pretend)
• depressed to find prominent tree missing from childhood home
• went to high school with Maria Mckee; I got high in school spinning her album on the air waves
• Nick eats large insect as expression of intense character; I eat large insects as consequence of unusual sleeping posture

Stephen Bernardez 
Preschool classmate and fellow Taurus.  Cider-swiller, cyclist, and now hotshot SF software business development guy.  Who loves ya, baby? 

"Louie, Louie"  
The Kingsmen recorded the definitive version of this oft-covered tune 15 blocks away from the Portland hospital where I was born and about 3 weeks before my April 21 debut.  Someone else may tell you that they recorded this late in '63; if they are correct I prefer to live in denial. 

Kyle McTeague  
Elite athlete & cyclist from my corner of the Rose City, in the final cut to pilot and power The Raven, a human powered aircraft designed by Boeing engineers and built by volunteers that will attempt to beat the world record for distance (74 miles) some time in 1999.  5'7", 127 pounds makes him ideal candidate. 

Calista Flockhart 
Plays Ally McBeal.  Ally chases imaginary dancing baby in Boston apartment; I chase real dancing baby who has escaped from the tub in a city that was almost named Boston.  (Heads it's Portland, tails it's Boston -- no shit.) 

The National Endowment for the Arts  
On July 10, 1997, Newt pressured holdout Republicans to a 217-216 vote to dismantle the U.S.'s single largest source of arts funding.  Bill and the Senate weren't going for it.  The budget for military bands is greater than all federal art spending.  

Charles, Earl of Spencer (a.k.a. Champagne Charlie)  
Resident of South Africa, playboy extraordinaire and eloquent eulogist for his sister, Diana, Princess of Wales.   

Preki Radosavljevic 
Yugoslav-born star midfielder for the ill-fated 1998 U.S. World Cup Team.  Wasn't played until U.S. was on the brink of elimination.  Preki and I are fed up with being hassled by The Man. 

Brad Pitt  
Yes, A River Runs Through It and Se7en more than make up for Legends of the Fall. 

Rob Olson  
Rob and I helped each other to survive 3 difficult years at Cascade Junior High School.  He introduced me to J.R.R. Tolkien for which I shall be forever grateful.  We had many fine adventures together.  He found me through this site in 2001 after 13 years of having lost track of each other, which was one of the best things that this web site has done.  Rob has shifted his energies from working as an attorney in L.A. to life as a writer with his lovely and high-powered wife, Paige.

Hideko Masako  
Empress of Japan, really under the gun to produce an heir that would continue a one thousand year line of succession.  And you thought you had sex pressure?  

Amilah Shabazz  
The 4th daughter of El-Hajj Malik El-Shabazz (aka Malcolm X - who was in Mecca making the Hajj on the day I was born). 

Keanu Reeves  
With a vertabra from a cadaver (from repeated - 9, I believe - bike wrecks), Keanu believes that 1998 is his "Christ year".  "I feel old."  It's not the years, baby, it's the mileage.   

Mark Halperin  
ABC producer, campaign 1996 coverage.  

"Night of the Iguana"  
One of John Huston's finest films, second only to "The Treasure of Sierra Madre" according to film god, Jon Tuska.  Huston apparently identified with the protagonist, a defrocked, drunken minister who was attracted to teenage girls and changed the original ending of the play to a happier one.   

Huw Edwards  
Conductor & Musical Director of the Portland Youth Philharmonic, America's first youth orchestra, from 1995 to 2002.  Possesses an incredible talent for finding the true pulse that unlocks the magic in the music.  (Directing the Seattle Youth Symphony starting in the 2002-2003 season.)  Ace musician, Welshman, and fine judge of a good pint.   

Kevin Brady  
"Sand hog" (NYC water tunneler, one of the most dangerous jobs in America) disabled in the line of duty, hundreds of feet beneath the streets of Gotham.   

Ami Brabson  
Plays Frank Pembleton's wife in real life and on Homocide: Life on the Street.  Pray for Ami that her husband only acts that way in front of a camera.   

Adam Corolla  
Caustic but entertaining co-host of "Love Line", KROQ's alleged relationship and sex advice show, which was on the radio when I first hatched this goofy idea.  I blame him.   

Lisa Kudrow  
Smellycat, Smellycat / It's not your fault 

Beth Gibbons 
Lead singer of Portishead.  She is the Garbo of triphop; I am the grabber who tripped up. 

Houston Rockets  
The average year of birth of the 1997-98 NBA team. Charles Barkley is Spawn.   

Wynonna Judd   
I get my kicks on Route 66, she got her name from that California trip. 

Pernell Whitaker  
The former World Boxing Council welterweight champion. The day before pretty boy Oscar De La Hoya destroyed him on April 12, 1997, Pernell was quoted as saying, "It's like the Academy Awards. I figure between 8 and 8:30 p.m., I'll be picking up my Oscar."   

Marla Maples   
Marla, Marla, Marla.  We warned you but you just wouldn't listen... 

Island Records 
The record label who brought us Bob Marley, singing a sweet song / a melody pure and true. 

Rich Weiss  
Hydrogeologist and 1996 USOC male kayaker of the year.  Died kayaking the White Salmon River, near Trout Lake, Washington on June 26, 1997.   

Whitney Houston (ack)   
Whitney and I have both found the greatest love of all, and it ain't Bobbie Brown. 

Bill Cosby's marriage to wife, Camille   
Did the pudding play any role here whatsover, Bill? 

G.I. Joe  
It is assumed that the kung fu grip was acquired at a later date.   

Juliette Binoche  
Even if she wasn't such a talented actress, she would still be unforgettable for her rear view image emblazoned on the videocassette box of The Unbearable Lightness of Being.  Our sons were both born in '93. 

"A Hard Day's Night"  
It's not saying a whole lot, but this is definitely the Beatles best movie.  Released in the U.S. in April. 

Courtney Cox  
Our parents both divorced when we were 10, we both lost our virginity at 19, and we both slept with Michael Keat -- I mean, we really don't have that much in common.   

Maria McKee 
Lead singer of Lone Justice who caught my eye in the September 1985 issue of Rolling Stone and then captured my heart with track 1, the cowpunk anthem "East of Eden".  Aptly described as a vocal cross between Dolly Parton and Janis Joplin.  One day I will build her a little shrine here.